Extro-Introvert

Often when I take the Myers-Briggs text, there’s not doubt I’m a T, S and J. I’ll Think and Sense and then start Judging. No problem.

But I usually end on one side or the other of the E and I spectrum. I’m in the middle of Extrovert and Introvert. I wonder, sometimes, is if this is why what I’m about to explain happens a lot.

I can’t stop talking, interacting and engaging people when I’m out and about … especially when I’m in a position of authority, leader or teach mode. I’m “on”. I’m extroverting like there’s no tomorrow. This despite that I told myself I wouldn’t. I get bored, my mind races, I seek interaction and I forget my decision to not be this way.

I forget, that is, until I get home. And the cares of the day are over. And I’m in bed. Thinking about everything. And then I remember all of the stupid, immature, and weird stuff I did and said to kids and adults. So I get depressed. Really depressed.

Like I said, this cycle repeats itself almost daily. So I know this depression won’t last. But I hate the feeling. I tell myself I need to grow up. That next time I’ll compose myself, think before I speak, keep it in my head, I can DO it this time. But I sleep little. I wake up thinking of it again. The morning is depressing and I wish the day were over already. I shut down with my wife, I get frustrated with my kid and my life and my dog and … it sometimes it takes days until I feel better. Unless I’m “on” the next day and the whole shitty cycle starts over.

Almost 50 years old and I still think I’m a immature teenager in most of the things I do. Curl and fade away I sometimes wish I would.